Fuller Covered Bridge

This was so much fun. I’m tempted to write up a whole terrible, terrible manual based off of the most mundane things in life. Please take my first entry as a token of appreciation for what you’ve created. I suppose I should hope you don’t enjoy it ٩( ᐛ )و 

Entry 1: The Lone Sock

The entity categorized as “the Lone Sock” must meet a variety of prerequisites before it may be declared a true Lone Sock. 

1. The entity must have one entry point, found at the northernmost point. See figure 1 for details. If other entry points are discovered, the entity is no longer a valid sock and must either be sent to the Darning Division for maintenance, or be written up as violating the Grand Purports of Warming. 

2. The entity must be unique in stature, pattern, and texture. In the event that a similar entity of equivalent stature and texture but differing pattern is found, the original entity may or may not be categorized as a Lone Sock depending on the progenitor of the two entities. If the progenitor has entities in which pattern is of no barrier to marriage of entities, then the entities are of the same species and the original entity may not be classified as a Lone Sock (see figure 2 for clarification). If the progenitor segregates entities definitively by pattern, then the original entity may be considered a Lone Sock. 

3. The entity must bestow the distinct feeling of vague dismay in combination with overtones of frustration in the shade of olive, which will henceforth be referred to as “snicketation.” Common symptoms of a snicketated progenitor as a result of a Lone Sock are:

- Murmured curses beneath the breath.

- Adornment of a single appendage with the Lone Sock, in combination with the upheaval of various other clothing particles, furniture dressings, and hinged compartment lids.

- What is commonly referred to as “The Snicketation Rotation:” the progenitor holds the Lone Sock, vocalizes a drawn out groan, cants head towards ceiling, cants head back towards the Lone Sock, turns around with arms outstretched as if beseeching its enclosure to produce the Lone Sock’s mate, and finishes by sitting in place with head in Lone Sock in hands.

If these prerequisites are met, one may confidently file the entity as a Lone Sock. Please refer to the Earth Manual’s “Last Place You’d Think To Check” section in the subcategory “Refrigerator Egg Shelf” for the proper paperwork.